Who am I?

Since discovering my identity in Christ, I am on a constant discovery journey--discovering more and more Who is He that lives in me.

John 13:1-4:

Now before the Passover Feast began Jesus KNEW ( was fully aware) that the time had come for Him to leave this world and return to the Father.

Jesus KNOWING ( fully aware) that the Father had put everything into His hands, and that He had come from God and was returning to God got up from supper, took off His garments and taking a servant’s towel, He fastened it around His waist then He poured water into the basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the servant’s towel with which He was girded. ( Amplified Bible. Capital letters and bold mine)

O, what a change this brought into my life!

The disciples had an identity crisis. "Who is the most important among them?” was their question. Jesus answered their question with action.

To me He demonstrated what identity really is.

He KNEW three things:

1. Where He came from.

2 What He received from His Father.

3. Where He was going to.

Do I know where I come from ?

O Lord , how have you revealed to me through the years how I was born in Adam. I know because of where I came from and what I have received; I was dead, I was in enmity with God, I was blind, full of unrighteousness, alienated from God, hard of heart, proud. And I know I was going to hell.

But, my Father, you called me: “ Where are you?!” and you delivered me out of this darkness and brought me into the Kingdom of the Son of your love (Colossians 1:13)

Now I know I am your daughter, I come from You.

Now I know what I have received.

I have received ALL spiritual blessings in Christ(Romans 8:31, Ephesians 1: 3). What was given my Lord of which I have received also? According to the beginning passage, I was given His humility, His knowledge of His identity.

O, how do I need your humility, Lord. How do I need for your humility to be worked out in my soul!

And now my Father, I know it is time for me to stand up from the meal I have been enjoying with my brothers and sisters; the place I was comfortable, safe, accepted, nourished. I must get up and take off that which covers me and stand naked before You. Then you will clothe me the cloth of humility, willingness to be who You ask me to be in order that Your love and grace can be seen.

Father I do not even want to begin to try in my own wisdom and understanding to fathom what it means. Jesus Christ lives in me and He will serve.

I am willing, because I know who I am, what I have received, and where I am going to, therefore I will take this servant’s towel and wipe the feet of those whom You have send across my path.

I am His

I am His

God, my Father, started my year with the message: You are Mine.

Since we started our walk with God many many years ago at Oyster Bay my song, taken from Song of Songs, I sang to the Lord went like this:

He is mine, and I am His ( 2:16)

I am His, and He is mine ( 6:3)

I am His, and His desire is towards me ( 8:10)

This year my Beloved overwhelms me with message upon message delivered to me in one week.

• First in Hannah Whitall Smith's book, The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life. The chapter deals with total commitment. Just one single sentence brought a world of joy leaping in my heart. She says we need to look at the sacrifices of the Old Testament to understand our consecration to God. The animal which is sacrificed is not holy; can never be holy. As soon as it is placed on the altar, it is holy ― consecrated to God; placed aside for Him; His.

I t is the same when we are placed in Christ. He is the altar. He consecrates me ―puts me aside for God.

Since I was saved, I was consumed with sanctification; did I strive to be sanctified: do, do, do, do, ad infinitum! When we came to the Cross, however, it dawned on me that I am a new creation, totally new. Already sanctified. Yet, the striving seemed to remain to a certain degree.

But now it is written on my heart: I am His! Consecrated to be His; only His.

But my Beloved was not finished yet.

• The Holy Spirit lead me to read an article in a Christian magazine, Prepare the Way: I am My Beloved's and He is Mine by George Müller. His Scripture verse is Song of Songs 4:12-16. Verse 4 says: "A garden enclosed and barred is my sister, my [promised ] bride― a spring shut up, a fountain sealed."( Amplified Bible)

When a garden is enclosed, there is not only a wall around it, but there is also a gate which is locked (the Hebrew word means barred).

In other words, this garden is there only for the pleasure of the owner.

He will decide who shall enter.

He will decide who shall enjoy His fruit, flowers, herbs and spices.

Not even I myself can decide who, when, and how. Only He will determine that, because I am His.

What a relief.

I no longer worry about "outreach," "touching someone's heart," "serving," "love," "minister to," "being a witness."

My job is to remain in Him, and allow Him to cultivate, nurture, tend , and ENJOY His garden.

The rest is His prerogative. Blissful surrender!

With the message of the closed, barred garden, the spring shut up, a fountain sealed, He puts an exclamation mark after the message He wants to bring home: "You are Mine! You are Mine alone!"

The living waters are His to let gush forth as He pleases.

But the Closed fountain is also not a public place any more for people and wild animals to come trample underfoot what belongs to Him (Ez 34:18;32:13)

If I allow what people says about me, be it I thoughts, action or words, to affect me, I am allowing them to come past the Gate (or over the wall) to come and pollute His water.

All these are just a commotion outside the gate. The water cannot be polluted again.

• The third reenforcement of my message from my Beloved was from a book by Henry Nowen, Reaching Out.

For a long time I thought it was lost, but suddenly in these days I found it, and my Beloved talked to me again!

Through a very bad accident in which he was seriously injured, Henry came to the understanding of a God with unending love. From out of this place he could live and be the person God ordained him to be.

"The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world — free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed or considered useless; free also to receive love from people, and to be grateful for all the signs of God's presence in the world. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved beyond its boundaries.

I understand now that 'making known' is not primarily a question of words, arguments, language and methods. What is at stake here is a way of being in the truth that tries less to persuade, than to demonstrate. It is the way of witness."

And now the Spirit is busy teaching me. It is one thing to receive these things. Now the Spirit is working these things into my heart whilst the commotion is still going on outside the gate. Torrents of messages from the enemy saying:"You are a failure!"

But clear above the noise I hear : "You are Mine!"

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Ek is Syne

Hierdie jaar het Vader my jaar begin met die boodskap: Jy is Myne.

Van Oesterbaai af al sing ek my lied:

Hy is myne, en ek is Syne( Hooglied 2:16)

Ek is Syne en Hy is myne( Hooglied 6:3)

Ek is Syne en Sy begeerte is na my.(8:10)

Hierdie jaar oorval my Geliefde my met boodskap op boodskap wat binne een week aan my afgelewer word.

Eers is daar in Hannah Whitall Smith se boekie, The Christian's Secret to Happiness.Die hoofstuk handel met totale oorgawe. Net een sinnetjie het 'n hele wêreld van vreugde vir my laat oopgaan. Sy sê ons moet na die offerhandes van die Ou Testament kyk om ons toegewydheid ("consecration") aan God te verstaan Die dier wat geoffer word is nie heilig nie; kan nooit heilig wees nie. Sodra dit op die altaar geplaas word, is dit heilig— toegewy aan God; eenkant gesit vir Hom, Syne. Net so is dit wanneer ons in Christus geplaas is. Hý is die altaar. Hý heilig my— sit my eenkant vir God.

Van ek "gered" is STREEF ek na heiligmaking: doen, doen,nie-doen-nie,doen, ad in finitum! Nadatt ons by die Kruis uitgekom het, het dit tot my begrip deurgedring dat ek totaal en al 'n nuwe skepsel IS. Klaar heilg. Tog het die strewe tot 'n mate gebly.

Maar nóu is dit op my hart geskryf.Ek is Syne, afgesonder vir Hom alleen.

Maar my Geliefde is nog nie klaar nie.

Die Heilige Gees laat my weer 'n artikel lees in Prepare the way: I am my Beloved's and He is mine. Die skrywer is Müller. Hy gebruik Hooglied 4:12-16:My beminde is 'n geslote tuin, 'n bron wat afgekamp is, 'n geslote fontein ( My eie vertaling deur kombinasies van verskillende vertalings)

Wanneer 'n tuin gesluit is, is daar nie alleen 'n muur om nie, maar die hek is gegrendel( Hebreeus).Hierdie tuin is m.a.w net daar vir die Eienaar. Hý sal besluit wie kan van Sy vrugte, blomme, en kruie geniet. Niemand, nie eers ek self, kan bepaal hoe,wie,waar en wanneer nie. Net Hy sal dit bepaal, want ek is Syne.

Wat 'n verligting. Ek bekommer my nie meer oor"uitreik","liefhê, "bedien", "getuie wees" nie. My werk is om ín Hom te bly en Hom toe telaat om Sy tuin te bewerk en te GENIET. Die res sal Hy doen. Salige oorgawe!

Met die beeld van geslote bron en verseëlde fontein plaas Hy uitroeptekens agter die boodskap wat Hy wil tuis bring: JY IS Myne!

Dié lewende water is Syne om te laat stroom soos Hy wil en wanneer Hy wil.

Maar ook is die fontein nie meer 'n openbare plek vir mense en wilde diere om te kom vertrap en bemodder nie ( Ez 34:18;32:13)

As ek toelaat dat dít wat mense oor my sê , hetsy deur hulle gedagtes oor my, hulle uitsprake oor my, of hoe hulle my behandel, laat ek toe dat hulle by die Hek verbykom en die water kom besoedel.

Alles wat gebeur is 'n gedoente buite die hek. Die water kan nie meer besoedel word nie.

Lankal al soek ek na my boekie deur Henry Nouwen,Reaching Out, in my boekrakkie. Skielik kry ek hom en my Geliefde praat met my.

Deur 'n ernstige ongeluk kom Nouwen tot 'n besef van God se oneindige liefde. Dit is nie ál nie. Hy kom tot die besef van die plek vanwáár hy moet leef. Vanuit hierdie plek kan hy leef en die persoon wees wat God hom bestem het om te wees.

The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world — free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed or considered useless; free also to receive love from people, and to be grateful for all the signs of God's presence in the world. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved beyond its boundaries.

I understand now that "making known" is not primarily a question of words, arguments, language and methods. What is at stake here is a way of being in the truth that tries less to persuade, than to demonstrate. It is the way of witness.

En nou is Die Gees besig om my te leer . Dit is een ding om hierdie dinge te ontvang. Nou werk die Gees dit in my hart in deur ervaring heen te midde van woelinge buite die hek, stortvloede van boodskappe:"Jy is 'n mislukking". Maar bokant dit alles uit hoor ek: Jy is Myne.

Anniversary of the robbery

A year has passed since we were assaulted and robbed on August 10, 2008. I will post a couple of entries from my journal of last year:

The Lord is good. We had a good sermon last night at Isaac's Church. It went on late and we returned home with our host and her daughter. When we came home, Hendrik opened the gate and the lady reversed into her yard and was about to enter the garage when gun shots were fired and two men were holding Hendrik hostage. She jumped out of the car and left me and her daughter in the car. She went to the back of her yard to pray. The one without the gun wanted to take the little girl. I asked him what he wanted with her and called on the name of Jesus. He let her go and she ran in the house.

He then came for me. I put up a fight because he wanted to pull me out of the car. I called on the name of Jesus and I had such power that this big young man could not get me out the car. He then slapped me and kicked me. I think I have a cracked rib from that. Then the one with the gun came to me, while the other one held Hendrik. I thank God that Hendrik stayed calm, because if he would have tried to help me or resist they would have killed him.

The armed one then took my wedding ring which Hendrik gave me 41 years ago. (I don't think he will get R 5 for it!) He also took my watch and my handbag and all my bank cards, my ID book, drivers licence and my spectacles.

Then I got out of the car because I wanted to see what they were doing with Hendrik. They also took all his belongings. Then they forced him in the car and that broke my heart because I felt certain that they would kill him. I ran inside the house and just wept, crying out to God. The next moment my husband was standing next to me. They had left and not one of us was harmed!

South Africa is not a nice country to live in, but these people need us here. The neighbours came running and all felt so ashamed and asked our forgiveness. They love us so much and it is extremely painful for them that this has happened in their neighbourhood. They were so happy to have us here with them. But for Christ's sake I will remain where God has called us to be.

Three days later I wrote this follow up letter:

To all our dear friends,

Thank you for your prayers and loving support in this time. I have to share God's goodness with you. At the night of our encounter I asked God why He allowed this to happen, because I know that He is my Fortress, my Stronghold, my Shelter. This must have passed by Him. He saved our lives, but why did He allow them to steal from us? His answer was that what Satan meant for evil, He will change into victory.

The next morning I asked Him if I can be allowed to see the victory. I first had to repent, because I told everyone that I was praying that all their [the robbers'] peace must be taken away. The Holy Spirit convicted me. He said that these young men did not have any peace at all, if they had, they would not be doing such terrible things. They did not even know the meaning of peace, He said; they will not even notice the absence of peace. I repented.

Then Father God said to me, "You have made a list of all that was taken from you and you were amazed at the little gain they would have from those goods. Let us look at your list again. Not one of these items that were stolen from you was paid for by you. They were all gifts--love gifts.

"You know, my daughter, that just like Peter's apron could bring healing [Acts 5:15], just so those things taken from you can bring healing. Do you know that I have allowed those men to be sent into an arena of love? The house where you were staying, according to your own words, was a house of such love. You commented on the love you have experienced in that community. The robbers entered into that love. Everything they have taken, was a token of love."

Then the Holy Spirit led me to speak to the young man who pointed his gun at me and took my stuff. (He said in the Spirit realm there is no time and I could turn the clock back and speak to him.) When the young man took my things he said "Come Mama, give me the ring."

I spoke to him (in the spirit). I said: "If you call me Mama, I can call you son. Son, you want my ring, I will give it to you. It was given to me 41 years ago as token of my husband's love towards me. I still have that same love. Giving the ring to you will not take that love away. I will still be loved. Maybe the wonder of this love can touch you. Take this watch which my daughter has given me out of love. Take this bangle which my daughter in law has given me, take our mobile phones which our daughters gave to us. Take my husband's money pouch which I have given him as a token of my love for him on his birthday. Take even my Bible. In the front you will see a love letter which my husband wrote there when he gave it to me as a token of his love for me. Take it all and may you be flooded with the love of our heavenly Father, you, you who most probably have never encountered love in your life."

Then I experienced just love for these poor men. The Spirit then showed me, when they hit Hendrik, it was nothing compared to the beatings our Lord experienced when He was beaten for our sakes. When I was kicked, it was nothing compared to the kicks our Lord received.

That night I saw Christ in my husband. Although he was reviled and humiliated, he did not say one word. He was dignified in his silence. He just stood there, but I was encouraged by his quiet strength [1 Pet. 2:21-23].

I wish you all could have been there tonight when we had our first training session at Mabopani. One young girl stood up and gave us her cell phone. There was such joy and peace in our midst. They saw the goodness and mercy of our God.

Thank you for all your love,

Hendrik and Nehlsie

Meaning of 'Curare'

In 2002, God instructed me: "I want you to call the place Curare." I inquired what it meant. "To cure" was His answer. Hendrik confirmed that it was the Latin word for 'to cure.' Whenever people asked us about the name, most would say "But Curare is a poison." Whenever this happened, I doubted deep down, although I bravely said: "Yes, it still is poison for the unsaved."

Then Helette Louw brought me this excerpt from a book. As I read it, I was filled with awe and joy.  It was as if my Father was encouraging me and reassuring me:

"BEWARE OF CURARE

In 1799, the famous Prussian explorer and scientist Baron Von Humboldt discovered a potent drug called curare. On an expedition into the jungles of Venezuela, he watched an Indian hunter bring down a large animal with a single shot from his bow and arrow. The arrow had been poisoned with curare, a potion with two curious properties, derived from the jungle plant.

Curare injected into the bloodstream, as it was when hunting animals, was deadly. It immobilized the body, attacked the vital organs, and cause death almost instantaneously.

Humboldt discovered the second property of curare in a more dramatic fashion. He became sick, and a native witch doctor forced Humboldt to drink some curare that had been diluted with water. Terrified that he was going to die, Humboldt was surprised to find that after drinking the curare, he felt significantly better. Curare, when it was diluted and taken orally, he discovered, could have a positive medicinal value without causing any damage to vital organs.

The key to curare's impact lies principally in the way it is taken into the human body. Injected into the bloodstream, it's a deadly killer.  Ingested orally, it's a soothing muscle relaxant.

Application:

Christianity is a lot like curare.  Its impact depends chiefly on how it is received.  Maybe people choose to take it orally, diluted as much as possible, so that it has few side effects and makes them feel better--but that's not the purpose of true Christianity.

Christianity's purpose is to change us into new creations in Christ. In order for us to become new creations, we must die to our old selves [1] and be born again, trading our old lives for new ones. Those who want "safe" Christianity that costs them little have a difficult time accepting death and new birth. True Christianity is not safe--it costs you your life. It cost God His only beloved Son, and it will cost you everything to follow Him. Paul wrote, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:20a).

Don't settle for a watered-down version of Christianity.  It can't be taken orally. It has to be injected."

Thank you Father for encouraging us in this precious way.

Crurare Blog is launched

For some time we have been asked to have an online voice for personal and ministry news. Although stretched by the technical side, we will endevour to post some spiritual counsel, prayer requests, and ministry developments here in South Africa.

May God bless this tool for His glory.